I want to cry but the tears just won't come out.  This could probably be the hardest week that I shall ever encounter, but I am not to lose hope.  I feel that no matter how hard everything could possibly be in the next few days I should take courage and take advantage of this opportunity.  I don't actually know what could happen to me, but I think everythings all for good.  I trust them that they are bearing in mind my safety and humanity, and they are not one to defy.

It's just so that I am now fully afraid, I don't know what to do, but I have decided to keep mum about everything 'cause I feel that many people whom I love would be somewhat against it.

Note to all:  this is not something illegal, mind you.

I texted someone dear to me to lessen my fear a bit, so shake off some of this feeling of anxiety.  She didn't reply.  But I guess it's all for the good, 'cause if she did, I wouldn't know what to do.

I love all those people around me - my family, friends, colleagues.  I just don't know how to tell them, maybe because I'm scared.  But what is it that is to be scared of?  Any moment in time one dies instantly, most likely at the most unexpected of times, and knowing that not a single second should be wasted.  Still, I remain scared, fearful of telling my emotions, continuing to hide what I truly want to say.

And I still can't find the courage to tell even in the midst of the risk that I shall partake.

I love you all.